sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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