I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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