im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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