Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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