If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
