I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
