I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
