if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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