You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
