It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
