How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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