Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
