dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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