one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
