Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
