Small penises have feelings too.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Please don't give away my fajitas
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
