Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
