he puts the penis in happiness.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
