dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
