wrigley field is MILF paradise
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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