he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
