You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
