He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
