You can't motorboat a personality
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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