Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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