I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
