the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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