Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON