my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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