new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.