she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
