someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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