someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name