well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
