I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
