This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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