her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
