how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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