If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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