I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
