so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
