I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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