Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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