At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.