Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex