BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life