Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry my hands just texted you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.