You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.