soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy