So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me