I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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