Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
did you just send me my own nude
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
