i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
