youre lurking in front of me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
