Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
