I'm so fucking centered right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
