you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize