That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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