if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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