he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
