physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
