But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
