So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
