Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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