hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
