Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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