I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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