It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize