Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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