What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this boner is exhausting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
