He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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