Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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