I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
