Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize