I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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