You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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