she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
