alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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