Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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